


Wordless

by hamstergyu



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 18:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7542709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamstergyu/pseuds/hamstergyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukiyama doesn’t expect an answer when he asks. He suspects Yoshimura’s lips to curve into a soft smile, but he doesn’t expect an answer. “Are they in love?”</p><p>Yoshimura refills his cup and the steady stream of coffee splashes softly against the teaspoon.  He allows Tsukiyama to breathe in the steam that curls out of it, he watches it fill his nose and lets Tsukiyama feel the warmth before he answers.  “It’s much stronger than that,” he tells him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wordless

He twirls the spoon around his cup; the way it clinks against the china sounds pleasing to his ears.  He takes his coffee black, for obvious reasons, but he requests a teaspoon just to relish the twinkling sound every time.  Tsukiyama doesn’t know why he does it – he just does.  Tsukiyama always pictures rich men with polished suits sipping coffee with a tea spoon.  He imagines them swirling the spoon to mix in some expensive-as-hell commodity more to claim their wealth than the taste.  Tsukiyama can’t imagine cane sugar imported directly from Africa tasting any sweeter than the cheap, pink and long-expired artificial sweeteners Anteiku keeps for the human guests.  But Tsukiyama likes pretending that grainy bits of undissolved sugar dust the roof of his mouth, and the delicate sweetness overpowers the bitter twinge to his coffee.  Tsukiyama thinks he’d have a sweet tooth, if he knew what sweet was. 

Yoshimura never asks him why; Yoshimura acts as a gatekeeper for all their secrets.  And even if he isn’t a part of Anteiku, Yoshimura still guards Tsukiyama’s secrets, too. 

He doesn’t expect an answer when he asks. He suspects Yoshimura’s lips to curve into a soft smile, but he doesn’t expect an answer. “Are they in love?”

Yoshimura refills his cup and the steady stream of coffee splashes softly against the teaspoon.  He allows Tsukiyama to breathe in the steam that curls out of it, he watches it fill his nose and lets Tsukiyama feel the warmth before he answers.  “It’s much stronger than that,” he tells him. 

Tsukiyama stops twirling his spoon to spare a glance over his shoulder.  Kaneki wears a pout, but underneath it Tsukiyama finds a warm laugh.  It reminds him of the warmth of his coffee.  It rolls out of Kaneki’s mouth the same way the steam softly over his cup, it dances in the air and fills the whole shop with warmth. 

Tsukiyama is man enough to call his obsession for Kaneki by what it is – obsession.  He wants that taste on his tongue, wants that blood stuck on the corner of his lips, and wants to scrape the flesh off from under his nails to savor that taste even hours after its gone.  But it’s not love.  Tsukiyama does not love Kaneki, so he isn’t jealous. 

 _Curious_ – that is the word he chooses.  Kaneki laughs sweeter than a song bird, but it comes out genuine for only one person.  Even with one covered, Tsukiyama finds emptiness in his eyes.  Sometimes Kaneki counts change with lethargic movements.  Sometimes when he speaks, the quiet of his voice intensifies with his lack of emotion.  He wears polished smiles and forces an insincere glow to his eyes. The only time Kaneki’s smiles hold a little bit of mirth, the only time his eyes have a small little shine, is when the fingers of one hand curl around a fresh mug of coffee, and the other hand haphazardly types something quickly on his phone.   To most, Kaneki’s insincerity screams pathetic, it screams of sorrow and dread and it makes Tsukiyama sick on most days; watching a young life waste away like this.   

It’s not like that with Hide. 

Hide laughs loud and boisterous.  Where Kaneki is silent, Hide is loud.  Hide holds a brightness to his eyes, their brightness can rival the sun.  But still – they stay hollow.  Tsukiyama rarely sees Hide without Kaneki, yet he recognizes the same emptiness.  Hide bounds all over Tokyo on his shiny new bike, he screams out to the heavens and paints a smile that stretches far too high on his cheeks.  He keeps the volume so high that music pours out of his headphones into the streets.  Sometimes Hide pedals so fast his muscles scream and the stinging wind brings out the tears in his eyes. He does it to hide the hollowness. 

And Tsukiyama thinks it intriguing.  It’s intriguing how two empty shells come together to shine brighter than the sun.  The beauty of Anteiku peaks at about 3:30pm every day, when Hide barrels through the door with a smile that doesn’t quite stretch as high, but is the epitome of happiness. 

Kaneki holds a reserved aura to his smile, but the light in his eyes gives him away.  The second the bell chimes, the very second orange hair flops through the entrance, the life in Kaneki’s eyes grows so large it becomes hard to believe there was a sadness to them at all. 

And, Tsukiyama thinks, “What could that be if not love?”

Yoshimura hums a small tune while he uses a rag to clean a tea cup.  Coffee splatters cover it, and over the years it’s gone from a snow white to a murky brown, but Yoshimura continues to use it anyway.  “What do you think it is?” He counters. 

 _Best friends_.

The thought leaves his mind as quickly as it comes. 

He imagines a younger Kaneki curled up against a tree.  He pictures his back pressed against the bark and the sharper edges digging into his skin, the sap will cling to his hair where he rests his head and dirt will stick to the seat of his jeans when he stands – but all of that will go over his little head.  Chubby hands enclose around a book, and pure wonder pours from his eyes.  His eyes will scan the pages rapidly, drinking in every word, every sentence, engraving it all in his brain.  Little Kaneki’s heart will hammer against his chest, and he’ll move to turn the page, and he’ll finally find-

A pile of grass in his eyes. 

He’ll find little Hide with his striking blonde hair holding pudgy fists against his mouth.  Hide stomps around and pulls Kaneki to his feet to twirl away the small bit of anger in his pouty lips and cross eyes. Kaneki will wear his pout and Hide will dance with his laugh.  Stems of green grass cling Hide’s fingers and later he’ll find dirt beneath his nails.  Little Hide’s cheeks will gleam with a dusty pink and he’ll laugh so hard Kaneki will begin to laugh too.  Kaneki will be at a good part, but Hide will be all it takes to make him put a book down and go to play. 

“Best friends, maybe,” Tsukiyama muses, “As children, maybe, but…”

“Is it really a strong enough word, now?” Yoshimura fixes himself a cup of steaming coffee and closes his eyes to relish the steam. 

 _No_. Tsukiyama thinks with a slight frown.  Then he thinks _brothers_. 

He pictures rain pounding on windows.  The force sounds strong enough to pierce glass, and claps of thunder drown out even the smallest of squeaks.  But Hide waits – Hide will always wait.  His ears strain to hear the softest of knocks on his door, and it’ll fling open in record time.  To anyone else it sounds hesitant, soft and small and full of uncertainty.  But it won’t be – not for Hide, _never_ for Hide.  Kaneki lives to look small, and Hide will wrap his trembling shoulders in a towel.  Hide ignores the black glow in his eyes, he ignores the dried, caked blood stuck to the corner of his lips and he’ll squeeze Kaneki so tight against his chest until he’s sure neither of them can breathe due to immense pressure. 

Hide will let Kaneki sob into his jacket, he’ll rub soothing circles down his back well into the night.  And when Kaneki finally cries out every last tear, releases every last bit of pent up emotion, Hide will let him press his cold toes against his feet as he falls asleep.  He’ll pull the covers over the both of them and fall asleep pretending Kaneki won’t leave him anymore.  He’ll wake up to a mouthful of black hair and hold the offer of pancakes on his tongue.  He’ll pretend the eyepatch never jostled once, never moved at all, and he’ll pretend Kaneki Ken is every bit the human he’s so desperate to be. 

Regardless, Kaneki Ken is like a brother to him. 

But still, Tsukiyama wrinkles his nose, “Not that either.” He sighs, “It’s too strong for that,” 

Yoshimura chuckles and takes an agonizingly slow sip from his coffee, “Lovers, then? Can you picture that?” 

He does – but not like that.  He imagines some girl with silky long hair, and he imagines Kaneki shyly twining their fingers together.  He imagines the rosy tint to his cheeks and he can hear him stutter.  The girl will giggle, reach over to brush a small lock of hair from his eyes and give a tentative kiss to his forehead.  She’s as shy as him, and her cheeks will turn red and she’ll fumble with a book in her head.  She’s everything Rize had pretended to be – but they will work. 

And Hide – Hide will find someone _loud_.  Someone loud and rambunctious with a pixie cut and attitude to match.  She’ll hop on the back of his bike and rest her head against his back and beg him to go faster.  Hide will laugh and pedal until his feet burn he’ll make her arms tighten so he can feel her small body pressed against his back.  She’ll take the headphones right off his ears and pull his face in for a full kiss that will take Kaneki _ages_ to do.  Hide and her will laugh together and love so strongly, so intensely, just like Hide always does. 

And yet –

Those girls will never be the ones that those boys love the most.

And then, Tsukiyama thinks, he understands.

Hide and Kaneki will marry.  They’ll become fathers and become accustomed to the feelings of small hands and wide eyes.  They will have wives and jobs and everything will fall into place.  But their wives will understand, their children will understand. 

Kaneki and Hide just have _something_. 

Hide will always be the one Kaneki runs to after nightmares – not the woman that sleeps by his side.  And Hide will always be waiting on the rainiest of nights because Kaneki will always come.  It will always be Hide vying for Kaneki’s attention by rubbing grass in his hair, and Kaneki will only budge when it’s Hide.  Not even his future child. 

That’s just them, that’s just how they work. 

Tsukiyama smiles into his coffee and spares them a glance.  He watches the light twinkle in Kaneki’s eyes and listens to the glow of Hide’s laugh.  “I suppose they are what they are,”

Yoshimura smiles, “Some things just don’t have words.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd just like to say that this isn't meant to be taken as a shipping fic, at least not my interpretation of it. I wanted to write something that showed how Kaneki and Hide have a bond so amazingly strong it goes above everything. Can't say I did a great job of it, because, well, words just can't be put to it


End file.
